Sunday Morning and Afternoon have come down

Well its now Sunday, I slept the best

part of Saturday away, my amazing husband somehow found the strength

to do some laundry, he also while I was up, redid the bed or whatever it is we are sleeping on, the ironic thing is I just noticed I am typing right beside this beautiful special friends label the irony is I have received this in the mail many many times, but isn't it funny I sure could use a friend right about now but anyone of them, oops thats right I almost forgot myself it is mostly my fault,,the bestones are either passed away as is the case with Sandy and Sharon, two gals I really thought the world and all of, totally different in every which way especially their demise, Sharon well she pretty much did it to herself, she got involved in a very unhealthy relationship, then just couldn't handle it so she overdosed herself and took her life, for that I will never forgive her, then there is sweet Sandy many people were

angry with her I was reminded of this only yesterday in an email, at first I was so mad, how dare anyone say anything mean about her,but then I calmed down and thought what she said through and I knew for a fact she was just telling the truth, she rarely heard from her, only when she needed a ride or money it was that way with her but not always, and for me for myself I choose to remember the good times ya know Tim sang a song its called Please Remember Me, in all her life she worked so very hard, not having the slightest inkling of the impact her death would have on the world, and it is indeed the world, every newspaper from underground rock to the LA Times carried it, she was even on CNN why was it that it took her loosing her life to be the story there are many other things she did before anyonelse but it seems as though the entire world chose to ignore how she played the hell out of the drums, she water skiiid like nobody's business she loved animals, oh her heart sure was big and in the most part it was always in the right place but too many times she opted for the wrong choices thus why some are not remembering her in the same way as I choose to her memorial is December 9th, I still can hear my amazing husbands initial words when we first heard he knew how terribly heartbroken I was,so ever the problem solver he assured me we would indeed be there, I knew in my heart all along we wouldn't be but I instead chose to believe the impossible, just like I chose to actually fantasize that somehow we would again have the chance to see Tim and Faith, they were so very kind and caring, even the nite we accidentally called his sister Tracey in the late hours she was so kind, I even received an email shortly after saying that if we needed anything to please let her know, what would you do if you were me, would you be able to pick up a paper and a pen and write to a sweet woman whom you have never actually even met and ask this person if there is any hope that perhaps her brother and sister-in-law might consider helping this couple that they met once in Calgary, oh sometimes it seems almost possible then I regain some sense of reality and can't seem to bring myself to ask, some people who know just how much I admire them seem to almost think me stupid for not asking for help God knows we sure do need it, butjust whom am I suppossed to ask, and also how do I go about it, there is nothing we don't need we have a room at present that we sleep in, the bed hurts my bones so badly that most nights I awake in tears or real close, I am beginning to believe this is normal, then on some fluke I will either stay awake and see something on tv orelse I will manage somehow to get outside which I haven't done in a very longtime, this past month I have been out of this house, once to go to the store and get alittle bit of air, then I went to Church last Sunday nite, it was so terriffic and gratifying to be able to sing His praise, I really needed that and was so happy that I talked my cousin into going, she usually is all happy to go but here lately she doesn't want to I feel really hurt and for lack of a better word used, she told me this was the place to come, here it would all be better, we would have real friends a place to live,she neglected however to mention we would only hear from her on the rarest of occassions I callled her last week as we didn't have a loaf of bread in the house, or milk nothing, Matt asked her for the number for the food bank, oh I couldn't believe it she gave him a number knowing full well they were done taking food hampers and to add insult to injury weren't even helping with food, this has been the biggest nitmare of our lives, I will go to my grave never forgiving her for lying to me about everything she convinced me this place was the best for cancer treatment not true, infact complete opposite the oncologists are going on strike heck her church is so far I am not even able to attend, at times though I wonder if she isn't doing that on purpose to make it impossible for us to actually make some new friends she knows like her I too have a past but thats just what it is, the past and I will say onething in my past their were very few times I ever found myself short for cash ever, always just went to the nearest bank machine, many people benefitted from my cash, they

all say the samething what goes around comes around if this is true well I oughta win a lotto and it should happen before this Chritmas infact it should've happened this past week as their were many people I took in, fed, clothed, you name it, if they had homes it was nothing for me to pay a months rent to help to get them on their feet, man where the heck are they all today this is driving me crazy I look at Matt I know how misserable he is, as am I, and theres little to nothing I am even able to do about it, well I am shocked to say this as usually I am freezing in this dump but not this time I am about to roast as its so small the computer is right next to the heat vent but even with the window it is way too hot, Matt must not know it got alittle bit warmer outside, well I am done for now, this is just me being mad as usual, in my life I always had said I never left anything in Montreal what the hell was I thinking ever coming back here as this is surely hell it is even worse then some of those hell holes I was in as a kid at least then I had a tv to watch this really is the shits and capitilize the s, Tim and Faith are beautiful people, perhaps they would consider hiring 2 sick people ya right!?!